Betty wrote: <My personal theory is that Avon didn't *want* to think of it, and possibly wouldn't have allowed himself to think of it (at least not until the very last moment, if then).>

Interesting idea ... yes, I can see that he might not think of it himself.

<But once Orac brought it out into the open, Avon was forced to acknowledge it. And once he'd permitted the thought into his head, it would have gone against his entire self-image *not* to follow up on it.>

That's a tad too harsh, methinks. I don't believe the self-image comes into it, just the simple truth that he *is* a survivor (if not *quite* first and foremost) and once thrown a lifeline will grab it, if a little falteringly. Notwithstanding the fact that he *has* been warning them for years, and only did what he always said he would do, I think Avon was actually more damaged by the shuttle business than Vila (this is not a belittling of Vila's feelings, but a measure of how badly I think Avon was hurt by it). because in the end his own honesty would say yes, it was the only thing he could do, being him, and no, that wasn't a good enough excuse.

Actually, it's an impossible situation - either way he went, he must condemn himself utterly by his own standards afterwards. (yes, yes, I know, :) 'Avon nearly killed Vila, poor Avon').

and later: <And I strongly suspect a lot of that is because he can't stand the guilt he feels when he lets someone who trusts him down (see: Grant, Anna). That and the fact that having to live up to someone else's trust can seriously put one's own skin in danger.>

Which is why Blake's insistence on trusting him in Time Squad and thereafter really *doesn't* please him one little bit (yet, once he cares about someone, the lines blur. I think by S2 he does - reluctantly and without admitting it - want and value Blake's trust, look how that temper-driven stab of Blake's in The Keeper *stings*).

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