From: Tavia Chalcraft tavia@btinternet.com
Neil wrote:
One thing that leaps out at me from the scripts, now I've had a chance to look at them, is how short most of the lines of dialogue are.
I think this might be partly the difference between action/adventure (as per series) and character drama (as per much fanfic). Also, the series version had expression, action and body posture to go with the words,
while
fanfic either writes in all this or settles for a more explanatory style
of
speech. Length of sentence might well depend on the context (pace).
It might also be due to the fact that some writers are just too damn wordy (a common fault, which I've comitted myself in the past. It's by no means confined to fan writers - most amateurs seem to do it, and come to think of it some professionals do too. H P Lovecraft made a career out of it.)
I'm currently working my way through Star Four, and I found a striking example in Gillian Taylor's story 'Rehabilitation' (a good story, incidentally, like all the ones I've read so far). Vila has been accidentally knocked out in a tussle with Dayna, and Avon is first to arrive on the scene:
"What happened? Did Vila have one drink too many and finally manage to fall and knock himself senseless?"
Why not just say: "What happened? One drink too many?"
Not only 12 words shorter, reducing the speech by 67% without reducing information content, but also - IMO - much more in character for Avon.
Neil