From: Mistral mistral@centurytel.net
I suppose it's far too late to claim to be an NF? I was plotting a little story about Avon and Soolin bonding over a common interest in rose gardening, is that warm and fuzzy enough for you?
What does she do, shoot the greenfly or something?
AVON'S GARDENING DIARY
April 9th: New lawn seeded, but sparrows are already eyeing it up. Soolin has taken to imitating a scarecrow, complete with carrot nose, to keep them at bay. I have never understood why it should be necessary to become irrational in order to prove that you scare, or, indeed, why it should be necessary to prove it at all.
May 12th: Went to inspect the seed trays. Marigolds are doing nicely, but not a single zinnia seems to have sprouted. Have *they* betrayed *me*?
June 9th: Strung netting over the legumes to keep the sparrows off them. Soolin tells me she never bothers to do this. Life expectancy must be very short among her pea pods.
June 30th: Soolin wants potatoes, so we made a midnight foray to the nearest farmland. Just as I was about to stick the spade in, she wanted to know what variety they were. Told her it wasn't my field.
July 21st: Lawnmower has finally packed up. I suspect a calibration fault on the anterior stone detectors. Soolin wants me to buy a new one rather than repair it myself, even gave me a brochure for the garden centre. I'm not stupid, I'm not expending, and I'm not going.
August 3rd: Next door's cat has been in the flower beds again. Told Soolin she should have shot it last winter. She gave me a lecture on cruelty to animals. I pointed to what remains of the delphiniums. Like I've always said, no good deed goes unpunished.
August 15th: Last week's weather has played havoc with the greenhouse. Soolin says there's a terrible pane right behind her irises. I asked her if she'd considered amputation. Managed to duck in time.
September 6th: Grass is now so long that both garden gnomes have disappeared. We conducted a search of lawn perimeter. Quickly located ceramic fragments under the buddleia. One down, one to go.
September 25th: Servalan the rose bush is due for a trim. Won't let Soolin anywhere near the thing - I need to prune her myself.
October 10th: Bit worried about Soolin. She's decided to start a new compost heap - in the cellar! Has she finally lost her nerve? Has she mildewed her way to the wall of an underground room?
October 28th: Soolin's now thinking of new garden features for next year. She wants a fountain, I don't. I'm not very keen on water spouts.
November 15th: Went a bit over the top excavating the new pond. Went so far down I hit the water table. I suppose it's a ... well, now.
Neil