At 07:00 AM 1/30/01 -0500, Harriet Monkhouse invoked my name three times and so I did appear before her in the mirror:
The Harvest of Kairos - kill Jarvik fifty minutes earlier.
Penny's done that. Hang on - I have another idea. Get Penny to write the script instead of Ben Steed.
"The Harvest of Kairos" by Penny Dreadful
*** [SCENE: a pursuit ship]
SERVALAN: I'll get you, Avon, and your little dogs, too!
JARVIK: Step aside, girlie, and watch how a *man* does it. [elbows Servalan aside]
[FX: big gun noise]
JARVIK: Urk! [falls down dead]
TRAVIS [stepping out of shadows]: What a weenie.
SERVALAN: Travis! Weren't you last seen plunging to your death down a bottomless Jungian archetype?
TRAVIS: Turns out it was just a cheap special effect, and also it had a trampoline at the bottom. So how's the hunt for Blake been progressing in my absence?
SERVALAN: Blake, shmake. I'm going after Avon now.
TRAVIS: *Blake, shmake*? Are you out of your tree? He could be out there somewhere fomenting revolution six ways from Sunday, whereas Avon, if you didn't keep chasing him, would probably be perfectly happy sitting in the middle of nowhere in his fancy spaceship, frolicking in a big pile of credits and tacky jewellery.
SERVALAN: It seemed to make sense at the time...
TRAVIS: Oh, go take a cold shower.
***
[Meanwhile, back on the Liberator...]
AVON: Yawn.
TARRANT: Dum-dee-dum.
DAYNA: Ho-hum.
CALLY: Who's up for Yahtzee?
VILA: Hey Orac, guess how many obsolete graphite writing utensils I can stick up my nose at the same time?
AVON: Well, I'm off to frolick in my big pile of money some more.
[Roll Credits] ***
Power - shoot Ben Steed.
And hire Penny again. By the way, hitwoman, BS is your next target...
Unfortunately as an imaginary assassin I can only kill imaginary people, so you will first have to present me proof that Ben Steed is an imaginary person.
Assassin
...
Kill Piri just before we meet her and make Neebrox the assassin instead.
Penny's killed her too. Neebrox is a brilliant idea, but why not substitute our very own hitwoman at this point?
Codename: Penguin.
-- "This is the kind of conversation that can only end in a gunshot."