Neil wrote:
One thing that leaps out at me from the scripts, now I've had a chance to look at them, is how short most of the lines of dialogue are. I haven't done any statistical research on this, but I wouldn't mind betting that if you calculated an average number of words per speech for a script and did the same for a story, the story would come out higher. Perhaps much higher (depending on the author, probably). Characters in fanfic say a lot more, use longer sentences, are generally more 'wordy', or at least that's the impression I get.
I agree completely - the original world of B7 series is much more stoical, much less is spoken directly and much more is just intimated or remains hidden inside, than in fanfic. When direct speech carries so much weight of explicit emotional content, the story may become very pathetic as a result. An example:
"I think you feel so guilty about what happened to your brother that you can't face it and you have to find someone else to blame. I think you settled for Avon because he's the handiest target, and because, after the way he greeted you, you could tell how much your rejection would hurt. He has nothing left. I don't know how it happened, but he needs you more than he needs life. Right now he's planning to go out and get caught--because he knows they'll kill him and because that's easier than living with what you did to him just now. I believe in your Cause, Blake. I only just realized it. But I won't fight at your side it you don't make peace with Avon. I couldn't."
Can you imagine: a) Vila saying this to Blake? b) Vila saying this at all?
If someone maintains that Vila is a sage behind his clownish mask, that's fine with me. If the above paragraph were his stream of consciousness, I don't think I would complain. But he mustn't say this aloud. This is out of his character, and out of the milieu of the series as a whole. IMHO.
This is actually the author trying to explain to us the psychological motivation of characters in her story, and she is doing it in a very clumsy way. She also shows great disrespect for us as the readers, because she thinks that we wouldn't be able to figure out by some more subtle signs how Blake feels about Avon or how Vila feels about Blake or whatever.
Yes, this is perhaps where many writers fall down. There is, of course, the problem that the inner voice they give a character might be true for the writer and for some readers, whilst sounding utterly false for other readers.
Still, if you faithfully imitate the spoken voice of the characters, the inner voice cannot be completely incongruous with it. I think the best thing a writer can hope to achieve would be some convincing tension between the inner and the outer voice. Easier said than done.
What I find generally irritating is that the regular characters (especially, but oc's often too) are often nowhere near 'tough' enough. I'm wary of saying this because I don't want to sound like I'm advocating some kind of macho manifesto, but they are revolutionary fanatics and/or criminals, habitually doing dangerous things, seeing unpleasant sights, forced into making snap decisions that might very well lead to someone else's death at the expense of their own. And in a lot of fanfic this doesn't come across - their 'inner voices' sound too 'soft' (another word I'm very uneasy about using), too preoccupied with 'trivial' things (also a dangerous label), too concerned with the fragility of their relationships with one another. This, to me, is the hidden hand of Mary Sue, acting within the characters themselves.
If I understand this correctly, you dislike fanfic where (male) characters behave like stereotypical women: they babble, express interest in food and clothes, display their emotions overtly and gossip about each other. Still, I have also come across fanfic, written both by male and female authors, where the balance between emotions and action is well managed. I haven't read enough all together to say which style prevails.
Admittedly, it's very hard to please me when it comes to fanfic. My ideal fanfic would be a mixture of adventure and angst focusing on Blake. If I keep looking hard enough, I might even discover three such stories written in the last twenty years.
N.