Nope, added
--with-cdebug --with-copt --without-rtldebug --with-cflags='-g -O2 -fstack-protector-strong -Wformat -Werror=format-security' --with-cppflags='-Wdate-time -D_FORTIFY_SOURCE=2 -DDEBIAN' --with-ldflags='-Wl,-z,relro -Wl,--as-needed' --with-bignums --with-gmp --with-poll --with-zlib --with-freetype --without-ttflib --with-libnettle --without-sybase --without-java --with-odbc --with-sane --with-postgres --without-ffmpeg --without-fftw --without-libpdf --without-libpanda --without-GTK --with-GTK2 --without-bundles --without-oracle --without-dvb --with-sqlite --disable-rpath --disable-smartlink_binary --with-machine-code
(phew) to the configure options, but Pike still refuses to crash. I couldn't add the -specs=/usr/share/dpkg/pie-compile.specs stuff because I don't have that file...